I hate dealing with finances. It stresses me out when I think about it, and it stesses me out when I do not think about it. School did not cover personal finances, and while my parents showed me the basics, my own procrastination and anxiety has made it a recurring nightmare.

But recently I found a technique that has really helped.

Most of my life, my financial strategy has been:

• do not use credit cards,
• use autopay when possible,
• do the basic math of how much I make, subtract the recurring costs of rent, groceries, and phone,
• and try to not spend money on anything I do not need.

When I was married the first time, I was the only one with a steady income, so all expenses came out of my account. At the time, I was alright with that practice, but it stressed me out, and I am confident it added stress to the relationship. My partner was excellent at finding deals and keeping the costs as low as possible, but I know she did not feel free to get much extra for herself. Whenever I splurged on myself with a new videogame or eating/drinking out, I often felt guilty for spending money on unnecessary items.

When I got married a second time, I did not intend to combine our accounts, but my partner wanted to, so we started to talk about it. When it came down to sharing funds for starting a family, I decided it made sense. But I still took some time to gather advice. I did not want to pay a millionaire, and I did not want to do a lot of work. I simply wanted some suggestions on how it could be different from last time.

One of the recurring strategies was: use cash.

One example included dividing all the money into cash envelopes, labeled for monthly expenses.

This gave a very tangible way to keep track of expenses, which is useful.

My problem is: I hate carrying a wallet, let alone multiple envelopes filled with cash.

By gathering advice, I was able to identify the part of finances that stressed me out the most: Keeping track of personal expenses vs the whole.

Finally someone gave me a system that I wanted to try:

• Keep one shared debit account for groceries and family expenses.
• AND each of us gets a smaller personal account that gains equivalent funds at the beginning of each month.

We call it Fancy Money. We can spend it however we want to make ourselves feel fancy without guilt because the calculations for how much money we are “allowed” to spend are already done.

Now about eight months into the system, I am very happy. It is honestly freeing to have the separate accounts. I can buy what I want or save for something larger, and regardless I do not have to ask for permission to treat myself.

What small changes have you made in your budgeting journeys that have made a world of difference?